I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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