Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
