u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
