Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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