Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
