he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
