Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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