last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
