she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
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I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
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Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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