you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
