also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
