He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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