I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
