and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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