We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Operation Purity has been aborted
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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