you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
