Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
