I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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