finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
There r osticjed everywhere
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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