Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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