you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
