Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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