2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
