Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
