Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
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i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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