apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
