The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
