What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
