Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
