he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
