I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
