Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
