so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
