Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
he high fived his dick after we had sex
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
