my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize