note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
