the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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