its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
