My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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