my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
