I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
