the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
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i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
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I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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