Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
