I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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