As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
