when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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