I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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