then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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