Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
