She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
