So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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