It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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