cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
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you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
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You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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