I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
