i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
