I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
