Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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