I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
