Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
