I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
