Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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