yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize